Returning to work is an emotional challenge!
Are you a stay at home parent looking at divorce? Most of my mediation cases involve a stay-at-home parent, usually Moms. It takes a while to emotionally come to terms that your lifestyle will change during and after your divorce. Going back to work is a change that is scary and hard to accept. There is loss of prestige, loss of your social life and your way of living. Fearing rejection from potential employers and lacking confidence in your modern work skills is normal. You may feel that a “deal” was made that you would not have to work, and you feel that deal should be kept. You will have to trust someone else to watch your kids and that’s hard for both you and your kids to accept.
Divorce will likely reduce your standard of living
The reality is that most women who were stay-at-home Moms don’t recover their standard of living after divorce. Sadly, many end up living close to poverty level upon retirement. Going back to work is a reality you need to face sooner rather than later. Existing assets will be depleted if you remain unemployed or underemployed. Making smart divorce decisions like going back to work will provide you a better chance at a secure retirement.
If you are able to work, judge’s often expect it
I have seen that judges will impute income (at least minimum wage) for purposes of determining child support when a non-working spouse is young and healthy enough to get a job (and has children over 3 years of age). North Carolina child support guidelines only cover basic expenses. When a parent chooses not to work, the children’s financial support suffers.
In mediation, the working spouse usually tells me that they would find it unfair to have their lifestyle severely decline to support an ex-spouse who wants to continue to stay at home. In my grey divorces, the children are in college or in their late teens. In those cases, staying at home is seen as unfairly “retiring”, often in their early or mid-fifties. The working spouse envisions themselves working until they are 70 or beyond. For these reasons, during mediation the working spouse asks that some level of job income be “imputed” upon the non-working spouse.
Look for the positives and rise to the challenge!
Technology has changed a lot since you have been out of the workforce but that knowledge can be learned in a short period of time. There are online courses on YouTube, Thinkific and Lynda.com where you can learn the skills you need for little or no money. You can get a jump start by learning those skills while you are still at home. Getting formal education may not be financially smart or necessary because it postpones the inevitable, uses up resources and may not necessarily result in enough additional income to be justified. Going back to school is sometimes just a coping mechanism because working or seeking work is much scarier than going to school.
Leaving the kids in someone else’s care is hard to face! Realize that many kids with working parents grow up to be successful adults. There are many safe and trustworthy people out there who provide quality care for children and today having working parents is the norm.
Working may boost your self esteem be fun!
Going back to work can help build your self-esteem and after divorce, everyone needs that boost! Being a stay-at-home parent can be thankless!! Your kids don’t often thank you for a job well done and there is no paycheck. Being told by your boss that you are doing a great job and getting a raise can be a huge boost for your self confidence and self esteem. Women who rise to the challenge – even if they build up careers that result in a fraction of their ex-husband’s income – seem to be much happier and well-adjusted post-divorce.
Finally going back to work can improve your social life. At work you will have new activities and challenges to think about. Plus you will be meeting new women and men and start new friendships, maybe even find romance!
